I’m back again. The dinner was really delicious. I made my Italian Vegetable soup. Full of vitamins and one of my favourite comfort foods. A bowl always warms my heart and soul. While enjoying my soup my brain went into overdrive. This is a common occurrence. But instead of it all rattling around in my brain. I thought I would come back on here and actually write them down.
I am desperate to finish the novel I started years ago. The problem is that I often don’t think people will want to read what I write. This stems back to high school. I let one of my closest friends read the first few chapters of a book I had started writing. Her comments were brutal. She told me that I had no talent and that it was basically a pile of crap. Even writing that down now all these years later, I can still feel the sting of her words.
I took the pages that I had lovingly written. I held a lighter to them. I watched the flames lick the corner of the paper. Then, they engulfed it. I let it burn. It felt as though I was burning a part of myself. Turning my thoughts into ash. Since that day I have struggled to write. If I manage to write? I second-guess myself and am too afraid to share it. What if? The million-dollar question. What if…….?
What if no one wants to read my words?
What if my words hurt someone?
What if what I have to say is not important?
I need to change that narrative into something more positive, something with possibility. Instead of hiding behind my fear of failure, I have decided to share my words. I am reaching out to you all out there. I am making the choice to share. To write. To feel and to be, well to be me.
So in the spirit of being free. I must train my brain to write once more.
We are encouraged to use a writing prompt in the group, to get the creative juices flowing. It helps to ground us. Enabling us to feel, touch, smell and see. And then write about it. Our lovely group leader often brings in physical items for us to use. Then we write. Sometimes we write a few sentences, sometimes we write paragraphs. I find this incredibly powerful. It is also an absolute joy and privilege to hear other’s thoughts on the items that lay before them.
This is something that I am going to try and do here. Some will be fiction, some non-fiction. It will be an exciting way to get back to writing. Then one day, I will hopefully have the courage to actually complete my novel.
If you have any writing prompts you would like me to use and write? Please comment and I will use them and we can see what the outcome will be.
For tonight I will use the following prompt. Write about an incredibly beautiful flower. It should be a flower that you have seen for the first time.
Magic Unseen In the distance I see a glow, not overly bright but not dim either, somewhere in-between. I am drawn to it. The light beckons to me. It calls me. It asks me to come and just rest in the presence of the glow. I walk as quickly as I can. Honestly, these days my pace is rather slow. It is also far from graceful. But I continue to make my way towards the glow, with feelings of trepidation, and also hope. What is it that I seek? What am I searching for? It’s not much further to go. Come on, you've got this! Just a few more steps and then you can rest in the glow. The branches from the trees open their canopy. I can see the full extent of the magic. The sight makes me catch my breath. I am stunned and awed at the magnificence that lay before me. Never before have I seen such beauty. Just being in its presence made me feel beautiful too. It is tall and graceful. Before me is the figure of a woman with her arms held high above her head. She is holding the most beautiful canopy above her. The canopy is small and delicate, but also large and dense. The canopy was adorned with delicate, snowflake flowers in pinks, silver and white. I am mesmerised! I continue to watch and marvel at the small sparks of magic as it flickers above me, from its branches. Standing here I can feel the warmth from the glow. It is all encompassing. I feel safe. I can also feel peace and love. How is it that I can stand before such exquisiteness and feel safe and loved? I can't imagine having to leave this space. The magical sparks are floating all around the tree as well as all around me. As the magic touches me it transforms me into a tree. With a deep breath in and a slow exaggerated exhale, I understand. I too am now capable of reaching high above as I hold the canopy of magic. I notice that the glow is the love that emanates from within me. It spreads towards all that is around me. I too am graceful and magical and so full of love. I give this love freely and wholly and I know that this is exactly where I need to be. Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing your ideas. Have a restful night my beautiful butterflies. Sweet Dreams
Always,
Butterfly B
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