It has been an interesting few days over here in my butterfly world. I like to think of myself as a strong and independent woman. Someone who will rise to any challenge. I will teach myself if I don’t know how to do something. I have the perfect example to illustrate just how capable I can be. This takes us back a few years. 3 to be precise.

I had water log issues in my back garden. I figured laying a small patio over said swampy area would help to solve the problem. An annoying aspect of my character, is that once I have an idea in my head, I run with it. (This can have both good and disastrous results.)

I decided to source the slabs. Then, planned on finding someone to lay a patio over this area. This would hopefully help prevent the swamp that was now my back garden. Make it a more usable space. A nice place to sit, and not worry about how far the legs of the chair would sink any time someone sat down. I asked around for prices. Sadly… It was going to be a lot more than I had originally thought. I asked a gardener friend for help? He agreed but annoyingly proved completely unreliable. I am not the most patient person at all. Pretty much no patience at all. In my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would give it a go. What could possibly go wrong? My male gardener friend was very clear. He said I would not be able to do it on my own. Now, I’m not sure if I can say this was me being confident, sassy or completely bullheaded. Nevertheless, I decided that this was now a challenge for me to complete without the help of a man.

Cue the complete underestimation. This was definitely going to be a challenge. But I had said that I was going to do it and so I would not back out. I ordered all the supplies, arranged delivery and began to dig my holes. With the sweat dripping off my brow and stinging my eyes, my hands throbbing and completely filthy. I stood back and admired my muddy, slightly less swampy area. I had hoped to feel proud, but instead I felt completely overwhelmed. This was indeed going to be one hell of a project. Now I once again come back to me being bullheaded, stubborn and mostly stupid. In South Africa we had a saying, a Boere make a plan. loosely translated to: an afrikaaner always makes a plan, more pointedly, we will get the job done, no matter what. I kept this in mind. I wanted to show my children, aged 10 and 8, that determination leads to achievement.

Day 2

The delivery of sharp sand and slabs were at the top of my driveway. Quite a long driveway. I had a wheelbarrow with a flat tyre. Not just flat but in need of a completely new wheel. I also had a raised step from the driveway into the back garden. Off I went on the hunt to find a solution. I found a plank of wood and made my makeshift ramp. At this point, I must admit I was feeling accomplished. See I could do this! Wonky wheeled wheelbarrow, off I went to start shoveling my sand. The trip to get the sand was a bit hairy. However, I was completely unprepared for how much harder it would be to push said wonky wheelbarrow filled with sand. At this point, I figured not only would I be getting a new patio, I would be gaining muscle too. Extra bonus. Maybe lose some extra pounds. I’m all for that! Leveling the sand was so satisfying. I had my spirit level. I carefully measured in both directions to ensure it was level. I even recorded evidence of how level the sand was. Next was time for Mr wonky to be wheeled to the top of the drive to collect the slabs. Another crucial lesson learnt here. Slabs are heavy. They also don’t fit well in Mr wonky and 3 slabs was the max load per trip. Many swearwords were going through my mind and some even came out of my mouth louder than I intended. The driveway slopes down. This was a relief. Getting it up my makeshift ramp was an entirely different story. Many more curse words, sweat and grunting. I do believe the grunting definitely helped. I now have 3 slabs ready to be laid. At this moment I felt the hope and enthusiasm leave my body all at once. I had 20 slabs to put down. Doing it in trips of three was going to take far longer than I had initially anticipated.

Laying those first 3 slabs and having them perfectly level filled me with joy, and relief. I had proved to myself that I could do it. I took photos to prove just how perfect they were and quickly sent them in whats app to my dad. Yes, I needed the approval and motivation to lay the next 17. The more I collected slabs and lay them, the more tired my muscles became. I was starting to appreciate where the extortionate prices came from. As I ached, I refused to give in. Stupid? Yup, definitely. Would I fail? No chance. If I couldn’t walk or feed myself for a week, it would still be worth it. If only for the bragging rights. I am a woman and laid my own patio. Yes, I was definitely all in for that.

I ran out of daylight so had to pack it in and go to bed. I was filthy, my hands were trembling as they ached so much. I realised that I had muscles in my back and my arse that I didn’t know I had. I stood under the hot water of the shower and enjoyed each droplet as it hit my skin. Bringing with it warmth, comfort and relief. Reminding myself that I was more than halfway there.

Day 3

I woke early and knew I was in for a tough day. Every movement I made my muscles screamed at me. I’m pretty sure they were not only screaming but swearing too. I was definitely swearing. Coffee was more than a morning ritual, it was essential. I looked out the patio doors and reveled in what I had actually achieved. Was it perfect? No! I am no landscape gardener. Was I Proud of myself? Yes, beyond measure. Only 6 more slabs to go and then it was complete. My first ever patio. The children were so proud of me, it was really sweet. They ran to my neighbour to tell her that I was laying a patio all by myself.

Before I packed up the night before, I moved the remaining slabs to the back garden. I wouldn’t have to fight with Mr wonky the next day. Those last 6 slabs went down so much quicker than the day before. Was it because I was more confident? Or was I confident that no one was actually going to get a spirit level to check my work? I don’t even think I knew the answer to that one. But I did it. I laid a patio on my own, with a wonky wheelbarrow, wonky tools and my trusty spirit level. I can’t say exactly which part gave me the most satisfaction. The fact that I didn’t give up, even though I really really wanted to. Was it because I could finally sit on a chair and not have my backside grazing the mud? Or, was it because I taught my children: no matter how hard something is, or how impossible it feels, dedication and the willingness to learn and try is priceless.

3 years on and my patio is still going strong. It’s a bit wonky, but it serves its purpose. The swamp is no more and I have a place to sit and enjoy with my children.

Life is much the same. Wonky, hard, exhausting. One thing I find that helps me to focus. I always envision the end result and know it is worth working for and learning along the way. That is not to say that it will be easy. It may not be enjoyable at times. Keep going, keep learning and keep being uniquely you.

Hope this made you think of something that you have achieved that you didn’t think you had the capacity to achieve. Life is a learning curve and it’s important to take the wins and learn from the mistakes.

Sweet dreams

Butterfly B